Blind Dates Are Not Always Bad
by Evavia
Summary: When Gandalf wants to send Bilbo on a blind date, Bilbo is scandalized - but after all it can't be that bad, can it?
1. An Unexpected Date

'No, Gandalf, no, you can't seriously think that I would go on a blind date – a bloody _blind date_ , mind you – with a, a . . . Didn't you say something about Erebor? That the guy couldn't speak English?! Really, have you gone mad?' Bilbo snapped, exasperated, trying to explain to that old goat, for about a hundredth time, why going on a date with a complete stranger was not a good idea. _At all_.

Despite Bilbo's resentment, Gandalf seemed calm, amused even, and chuckled a bit for himself. 'My dear Bilbo, please calm down. Everything is arranged, there's no way back. Thorin will arrive from a great distance and just because of you. Now you must undergo it, whether you like or not. Thorin would be greatly disappointed would you not come. And I must say that neither of us wants to see Thorin disappointed.'

Bilbo stared at him for a while, too shocked by his manners to react for a while, gaping at him like a fish, before finding his words again, and continued arguing, 'And how exactly do you expect me to communicate with him? Should I bring children's cards with pictures maybe, so we can show each other and try to guess what the other means, or perhaps I should gesticulate with all my limbs like a complete retard?!'

Gandalf gave him a tired look, like someone dealing with a very naughty and incorrigible child. Needless to say, that didn't compose Bilbo in the slightest bit. It rather increased his blood pressure. 'None of it, of course. As I have said already, I brought you a Khuzdul dictionary which will help you a lot. There's no need to act so dramatic, Bilbo, I thought you more sensible.'

'I – _I_ act _dramatic?!_ Gandalf, what – and why would I need a dictionary anyway? Let _him_ take it! I never asked for any of this!'

'Thorin is a very proud man.' Gandalf finally said as if it explained everything. On the contrary, it only explained that Thorin was probably a git and it only made Bilbo feel grumpier. He found himself liking that Thorin fellow less and less. And Gandalf, too, when he was at it, never mind him being an old family friend and all.

'Like I said before, everything is arranged. Thorin is looking forward to see you. You're going to enjoy it.' Gandalf announced, giving him one last calculating look, like challenging him to say something, to do something about this tricky situation. Bilbo sighed. Well, it certainly will be adventurous and after all he _loved_ learning new languages and – wait, no no no –

Gandalf obviously guessed the way his thoughts took, for he smiled knowingly at him, then stood up and searched for something in his grey coat. After a while he handed Bilbo down a small book – ah, the dictionary. 'So . . . How do I read these signs?' Bilbo asked confusedly after superficially listing through the first few pages. Surely Gandalf didn't expect him to be able to read this!

'Ah, don't worry, there's written how to pronounce it beneath the signs.'

Bilbo tried to say something. Gandalf laughed. This was going to be very long, indeed.

 _God knows what that guy is like_ , thought Bilbo nervously (and angrily as well) while walking on foot to the meeting point. At least a local café had been chosen, with many people (thankfully), so that Thorin or whoever wouldn't try anything . . . not very respectable. Not that Bilbo wouldn't be able to defend himself, thank you very much, but he felt safer like this anyway. If not exactly a comfortable situation should come, some screaming should do. Well, Bilbo hoped that wouldn't be necessary – after all, things like that could be really embarrassing and definitely mood-ruining. Either way, Bilbo was going to have a word or two about this with Gandalf.

After turning the last corner, Bilbo finally spotted a small coffee house, with a golden sign above the door, solemnly proclaiming _Dori's Café._ Bilbo had never been there before, so naturally he felt quite curious. It even got the better of his restlessness for a while. But then again he too painfully remembered the small book shoved in his bag, which was hitting his leg quite uncomfortably.

While passing by the café windows, Bilbo peeped inside and watched the customers for a while. Some of them where holding hands and gazing at each other lovingly across the table, but Bilbo had also noticed a peacefully looking pair of old ladies, sitting in the corner and eating their dessert, maybe some kind of pie . . .

He was very well aware of the fact that he must have certainly looked like an utter weirdo, staring at the people intensively from the outside, but he desperately tried to find the man, most likely alone and hopefully not creepy – he really wouldn't thank Gandalf for that – but nobody like this was to be seen. Bilbo strongly doubted one of the young boys sitting at a large table to be him.

Maybe he hadn't even bothered to come, despite Gandalf's persuasion about how the man wanted to see him. Bilbo wasn't sure whether to be angry or happy – yes, he of course spent last few hours fussing about his looks and swiftly turning the pages of _his_ dictionary – Gandalf insisted that Bilbo should keep it – his insides clenched nervously and he feared the worst; he should have been relieved, shouldn't he? But on the other hand, had he suffered all this for nothing? And when he realized that at the moment he could have been _at home_ and _relaxing_ , his hands suddenly closed into fists, not very impressive but still . . .

Bilbo had had enough of meddlesome old men or mysterious missing dates! At last he decided to leave for home and with a promise of fixing himself something delicious to eat to soothe his nerves he turned sharply and _bang—_ Bilbo's bum hurt and he was on the floor without even knowing properly how or—

Oh. _Oh._

He felt suddenly very hot, looking up at a man with dark hair, shortly cut beard and like the bluest eyes Bilbo had ever seen. The man was offering Bilbo his hand with an apologetic expression after murmuring his sorry and _damn_ , Bilbo must have been staring, because the man was coughing awkwardly now to get Bilbo's attention – not like he had to try hard to achieve that. When he pulled Bilbo again up on his legs, he noticed something on the other's shirt. And Gandalf's previous words immediately rose up in his mind.

'To recognize each other when you meet, I brought you this – fasten it to your clothes visibly, so Thorin would know it's you – I gave him one, too, of course, just like the one you have.'

Bilbo watched the thing on the man's chest more carefully – it was a small pin, a golden acorn to be exact. Just the same as the one Bilbo was wearing.


	2. A Pleasant Company

So of course Bilbo couldn't help but stare at him, quite dumbly. Seriously, his eyes were already beginning to sting from keeping them open so wide for so long, before he finally became fully aware of his surroundings and pulled himself together. This certainly wasn't the way to impress handsome strangers – that is if Bilbo could still call him a stranger. That not such a stranger was looking back at him, with one eyebrow slightly raised. Bilbo felt like an idiot. And also very warm, he could only guess to which extent his cheeks reddened. Or maybe it was better not to know.

He suddenly became very much aware of the man's – _Thorin's_ – gaze upon him. Like, did he know at least some basic phases, like _hello_ or _nice to meet you_? At least Bilbo should thank him, he expected him at least that to understand, with Gandalf's words of Thorin's importance and such. Still, why hadn't he visited some course or something – it's not like he couldn't afford it, from what he had heard. And anyway, his face was making him nervous!

'Err . . . hello,' _Say something clever, quickly!_ 'Hello!' he repeated loudly, probably under the influence of incoming nervous breakdown. Instead of fainting or other tempting possibilities, he rather chose to put on a friendly smile – which made him probably look more like he had a toothache. Thorin seemed amused – Bilbo felt more like crying. Before he managed to embarrass himself even further, he started pointing frantically at his acorn with a sweaty finger – really, it was quite hot.

Something in Thorin's gaze shifted as he looked the way Bilbo wanted him to, then his eyes landed on his own shirt, before finally glancing up at Bilbo with understanding. He offered him a small smile, – which looked quite nice on his face if anybody asked Bilbo – shouted, 'Dwalin!' and grinned at Bilbo. Bilbo was confused and began to search the dictionary frantically in an effort to find out what the hell 'dwalin' means, before a huge – huge indeed – man showed up.

'Dwalin, at your service.' He introduced himself and looked at Bilbo with an unimpressed look. Bilbo was – again – the one starring dumbly. 'I'm here as an interpreter.' Dwalin explained after a while of uncomfortable silence. _Interpreter?_ Gandalf hadn't said anything about an interpreter! But, actually, Bilbo was glad to find out that it wasn't some kind of weird plot twist where he would end up with two guys like in some porn movie –

'Oh, um, Bilbo Baggins – at yours,' His gaze turned to Thorin. When he noticed Bilbo's look he stepped forward with an extended hand and Bilbo was pleased to shake it. His grip was firm and his palm warm. _Far better than that 'at your service' nonsense,_ thought Bilbo contentedly. After a while of shaking their hands awkwardly Thorin finally introduced himself – which was in fact unnecessary but polite nevertheless. 'Thorin . . . Nice to meet you,' He had a beautiful deep voice which nearly sent butterflies in his stomach, but he had found his accent so endearing that the only thing he could do was smile. 'I'm Bilbo, it's nice to meet you, too.'

Dwalin obviously didn't share their enthusiasm. When Bilbo turned his attention to him, he was standing there with a hand covering half of his face and Bilbo wasn't really sure what to make of it. Thorin didn't seem surprised, quite on the contrary actually, and after clearing his throat significantly he gave him an unimpressed look. So he was apparently used to Dwalin acting like this . . . Maybe he had accompanied him to many dates before . . .

Before things could have gotten too awkward, Thorin said something in that language of his, his gaze skipping from Dwalin to Bilbo and the other way around. He was probably unsure who to look at – at Dwalin who would translate everything to both of them or at Bilbo whom Thorin's words were meant to? Bilbo couldn't blame him. He as well wasn't certain.

'Thorin asks if we should go in,' Dwalin informed him gruffly and at his tone Thorin shots him a tired look. Bilbo wondered if the two of them were friends.

'Oh, yes, of course,' Bilbo replied quickly and Dwalin responded only with a nod. After that all three of them headed off to the café. It seemed really nice there – Bilbo's attention was caught by comfortably looking armchairs with cushions. He looked around to find a suitable place for them to sit and at last chose a discreetly hidden table in a corner. He gestured towards it with his head and Thorin with Dwalin simply nodded and followed him.

When they seated themselves by the table, a young waiter came to take their orders – Thorin wanted coffee with apple pie, while Bilbo felt like having tea and ice cream – chocolate and caramel, to be exact. Dwalin ordered nothing. But you might say that he was quite smitten with the waiter if the softening of his eyes was anything to go by. And by the waiter's winking Bilbo suspected that Dwalin was probably a _very frequent_ visitor. At least he could see the one who certainly suggested this place of meeting.

Bilbo probably wasn't the only one who had noticed Dwalin's behaviour, since Thorin looked at Bilbo with amusement and said something in Khuzdul. It must have been something about Dwalin and the waiter for after the comment Dwalin scowled and refused to translate it. Thorin only chuckled and Bilbo finally encouraged himself to start asking things.

'So . . . what do you think about that waiter boy and Dwalin?' Dwalin groaned.

The meeting went surprisingly very well. Bilbo enjoyed both his ice cream and company and Thorin seemed satisfied as well, if the gentle smiles were anything to go by. They had discussed many topics and Bilbo even found out that Thorin too had known Gandalf since his childhood and also that he was the one to convince Thorin to do this. But after a very pleasant time with Thorin he couldn't bring himself to complain anymore – on the contrary, he felt grateful towards him. And he was very much sure that the old goat would be even smugger than usual after Bilbo told him!

Thorin even rode Bilbo home, with Dwalin in the backseat glaring out of the window. But in the end they unfortunately had to say their goodbyes and neither of them seemed happy with it. They kept avoiding each other's eyes so that they didn't have to be the one to end it. Thorin was the first to break the moment. Bilbo let out a quiet gasp when he felt Thorin's hand touching his. Their eyes met and Thorin began to slowly, so very slowly bending down to Bilbo, never looking away. After a while which felt like hours their lips finally met in a hesitant kiss.

Thorin's lips were soft and warm and his beard scratched his chin in a most delicious way and they would have gone on like this for much longer if not for the noisy throat clearing and disturbed look Dwalin sent both of them after. They parted quickly and Thorin coughed awkwardly. Was he blushing?

Bilbo smiled at him, 'Goodbye, Thorin. I hope we will see each again soon.' And with that he handed him down a small paper with his phone number. Thorin eyes widened slightly before his mouth broke into a broad smile. He then said his own goodbye and Bilbo got out of the car. When Bilbo turned, Dwalin had changed his seat for the one Bilbo had occupied a while ago. And when Thorin finally left his driveway, Bilbo didn't tear his gaze from the car until it was just a tiny spot among others.

The first thing he did when he came back home was to turn on the computer and open the internet browser. And it didn't take long for Bilbo to enrol in a Khuzdul course with Thorin in his mind. _Blind dates are not always bad_ , indeed.


End file.
